Now I long for yesterday.....

My brain has been non-stop.

If I give myself long enough, sitting around, thinking..then I cry.

I have thought of the weirdest things in the last few days.

Not just my Pookey. But my kids. My friends. My own mortality.

I walked outside today and heard the baby birds chirping like crazy in their nest in the tree that my kids swing from.

I looked up and saw a blur of baby birds in the nest.

So much new life coming about.

And then I looked down and saw the poor baby, lying motionless on the ground. I don't know if he chose to jump to follow Mama, or if their nest is to crowded, or was it just a simple "oops". Either way, the poor baby bird was gone. My thought process flew in many directions. From "who gives a shit. It's a bird. This happens all the time" to "How does the Mama feel? How would I feel to lose a child?" I mean I am still mourning my Pook. Looking around, listening for her, wanting to fill her dishes, and remembering I don't have to wait for her to bring her slow ass in from outside at night before bed. So my final thought made me pick up the poor bird, and bury him in a small hole. This baby was important. If he wasn't important for me, he was important for someone..to someone.

I know. Some people may think I am being stupid, or over dramatic. But I can't help it.

I wish I could go back and change some things. I can't say I am one of those people that don't regret anything in my life. There are allot of things I would do over. Allot of things I wouldn't have said. Allot more love I wish I had given. Allot more time I could have spent.

I miss her.