It's another. That's right. After sitting all day wondering when the next asshole is gonna strike, and either break into a house, or steal another vehicle, neither happened. That I know of. But lucky me, I get jumped by a freakin dog. Well not exactly jumped, but that little prick came at me. Let me give you a little background info.
Yesterday afternoon my dogs were going crazy out in the backyard. So I look out the front window, where I can see the side of the house where they were and there was a dog. My natural assumption was that it was our neighbors dog Angel, who is a little white rat looking thing. Well she always craps in my yard so I went out to shoo her away. I walk out the front door, look over and there is a huge white pit bull standing by my gate. OK, now before I say anything else, I have to say that I have/had this unnatural non-fear of dogs. Don't ask me why. I have never been afraid of dogs and have never been afraid of being bitten or chased or anything like that. While others get spooked and run away, I will stand there and have a dual with any damn dog. Whether I have a weapon or not. Hubs says I am stupid and one day I will be bitten, but I always say "lawsuit!" lol But really, it's strange. Anyways, so I go out there and the dog doesn't budge. It stands there by my fence barking. Not just barking, but like the growling, mean barking crap dogs do. So I stomp my foot. Nothing. So I walk out a little further and it starts to back away. Little further..further...further... finally it backs out of my yard and onto the sidewalk where it proceeds to bark. Finally it turned around and walked down the street.
So then last night, I go to take my trash cans down to the curb and I hear my neighbors dog barking. I looked around to make sure nothing was out of order, and that there was nothing fishy going on. Then out of nowhere that f*cken dog comes out from behind their vehicles. Bastard dog scared the shit out of me. Starts barking.
"Shooo, shooo shoooo." Nothing.
Stomp my feet. Nothing.
Asshole starts walking towards me. Crap. OK. Don't' show fear and don't run.
"Shoooo. Shooo. Shoooo. Get."
Bark, bark, bark, growl.
Crap. OK. Back up slowly to my front door where I have a big metal bat.
It follows me.
"Girly hand me the bat!"
"Huh, what bat?"
Shit, I put it back under my bed. OK, no biggie, the dog seems to have gone away anyways.
Proceed to walk slowly back out to my front drive and get my garbage barrel.
Bark, bark bark.
Bitch. That shithead didn't leave. Just went down the sidewalk a bit. OK, just ignore it and if it comes at me I'll scream bloody murder. I Grab my trash can and proceed down the driveway. That son of a bitch walks towards me again. OK, bitch you wanna play this game fine. So I look around me. Nothing but a freakin rose bush and rocks. Grab a rock. Throw it. Really shitty throw and almost hit neighbors car (never claimed to be a good thrower). Not good. OK, grab the cell phone and call my neighbor.
"Uh Todd (fake name of course lol) it's Choppzs, I'm having a bit of a problem. You see, there's this dog out here and it wont go away (insert fake little nervous laugh). Could you come out here with your gun or something and kill it??? He laughs and bit and says "What are you serious? I'll be right out!"
The dog is still standing there barking and growling and not letting me budge. Every time I tried to move that jerk came closer and closer and all I had was my cell phone. Todd's garage opens up, and out he comes.
"I was gonna paintball the asshole, but I couldn't find my barrel. Where is he?" He comes walking out with a huge fricken hammer. That's right. A hammer. He looked at the dog, and also recognized it from earlier that day. He starts yelling at it and it wasn't gonna back down. That dog has some balls. So he launched at it with the hammer. That got him going. But as soon as Todd would turn around to walk back that stupid dog would come walking back. Anyways, to make a long story short, that doggy got a hammer upside the head. Yelping and barking all the way down the street. What a bastard.
So now I don't have just thieves and kidnappers to worry about, but asshole dogs as well. I think I might call the cops today just to see if they can patrol the area, cause the last thing I need on my conscious is some poor child getting mulled because I didn't at least warn someone of this damn dog.
5 comments:
I'd have kicked the shit and everything out of that dog if had touched me. It deserved more than a hammer to the head! The owners, if any, also deserve to be hit with more than a hammer. If they don't watch it they'll get hit with a lawsuit next time!
I hope it stays away and good thing you have a good neighbor w/ a big hammer!
Hey - I, too, have a dog story!
I used to live in the sticks, the boonies, the boon-docks, the back-forty, where the buffalo roam.. you get the idea.
So people in the sticks don't exactly tie their big docs up. There were a lot of kids in the grove that we lived in.. most of us road our bikes up and down the streets (i was around 17) without even having to worry about a car coming... We're talking hicks-ville.
Now if we ever went near this one particular house, this fricken big dog would run down the laneway barking, growling, and snapping. Now.. i'm allergic to dogs - and on top of that, i have a huge an impatience when it comes to yappy annoying dogs. and like you -i don't much have a fear of dogs... More of a defiance...
So one day we're biking down the street, My brother, my sister, a friend and I, and this fuckin' dog comes right at me, and bites my leg (not badly.. but enough to pinch..) so kicking it away, I just keep biking (swearing of course .. that if the dog does that again, i'll kick the shit out of it).. now companions say we shouldn't go past there again - cuz this is a big-assed dog... Like I said - i'm defiant... so i go past the house on purpose this time, begging the dog to come...
right on cue, the dog runs down the laneway at me.. I slow down... get off my bike and run at the dog - and tackled it.. punching it repeatedly in the head... and then kicked it once in the gut...
I grabbed it by the collar... whimpering and trying to pull away - i kicked it again.. and knocked on the door... i handed the dog back tot he owner and said if they didn't tie it down and it attacked me again, I'd kill it... I was a little scratched up for my efforts.. but that dog was never let loose again...
My crowning acheivement in dog control... that was one mean dog -- it just didn't count on the fact that I was meaner!!
Holy story...
LMAO, good one Alro, maybe if I see that dog again, I'll have to tackle it and beat the crap out of it! I to would say I am defiant. Almost like "Dog, don't you try to scare me, I'm bigger then you and will beat the crap out of you if you try to bite me!"
Watch your back - maybe the dog belongs to the robbers and kidnappers... or at least start carrying the bat or hammer.
Can you call animal control? That dog should not be wondering around! Here you can get fined for not having your dog fenced in or on a leash.
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