Thursday, June 26, 2008

I'm Bummed

Today is just one of those blah days.

The kids wont sleep.

It's hotter then fricken balls outside.

My baby Pookey is sick. She had an accident on the bedroom floor last night (which was disgustingly nasty, and not in the least a solid accident)and has been sick today. She's moping. I gave her rice for breakfast this morning, hoping to bind her up. I checked her rear and found it to be swollen and bloody. I am assuming it is the diarrhea that is doing it. I am hoping and praying it's just the doggy flu. The last time she did this, it was when I changed their dog food. No change though, no out of the ordinary foods. Except a couple raw hide sticks. Maybe those are affecting her insides?? I don't know. I'm a worried momma. Every time I see her hurt, moping or sick I get scared. She needs to see the vet. I mean, she saw the vet a couple weeks ago, got all her shots updated and stuff. But they want to do a complete blood workup on her. Because of her age. She's 11 and they want to make sure her indoor plumbing is working properly. But it costs SO DAMN MUCH! I guess I will give her a couple days to recoup, check her poo daily and see how things go.

I'm bored.

Gosh, I sound like Girly. That's all I hear now. All day long. Schools out, I'm bored. I don't have anything to do. Can we go here? Can we go there? Can I have some money?

Holy Crap. I am going to be one of those mom's that requests the school year to be year round! Seriously.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Dream Weaver

I was in a petshop, and was told as part of my "mission" I must chose a snake and let it bite me. Not some little snake, no, it must be a large enough snake to leave nice little puncture wounds on my arm.

"Why do I have to do this?" I ask

"Because it's what has to be done!" the man says. "That one right there, he looks like a good one!"

"Well what about that one?" I ask, pointing to the little, green, 1/2 inch round one in the aquarium. Looked like a Gardner snake.

"No", he says. "It has to be able to do this. He grabs this big, white, at least 2 inch round snake, and pushes back on its mouth. Orange looking goop comes flying out of its teeth.

"Please don't make me do it!"

"Oh come on." He says

I finally grabbed the snake and watched in slow motion as it whipped it's head around, and sunk it's nasty fangs into my arm.

I screamed.

I cried.

I yelled for people to help me.

No one did.

I sunk down to the ground, all the while having this snake latched onto my arm.

In an effort to get this thing off of me, I stomped down on its body with my foot.

I was pissed.

I stomped and stomped until it released my arm.

It fell to the ground, flicking it's tongue and swishing its tail about.

I grabbed the knife from my pocket.

And chopped the bastards head off.

Then I neatly placed the head into the aquarium.

"There, I did it."

"Uhhh, you are going to have to pay for that snake mam!" the man says.

I looked up and heard..

"Mama,can I watch cartoons?"

I hate dreams.

I hate snakes.

They are not only invading my house, but now they must invade my mind.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap!

Gone Private. Took me long enough didn't it? lol I hope you all are able to get on here, as I love to hear from everyone.

This weekend was hot. Not just hot, let me rephrase that.... F'n Hot!

And we did all sorts of crap around the house, sweated our butts off, and then realized we should have been inside the air conditioned house the whole time! lol That's ok, we now have a lovely yard light up that helps us to see the Pups when they are out and about at night.

I also got one hell of a deal at Home Deathpot. I mean Home Depot. When we went in and got some yard supplies on Saturday, I picked up your standard American Flag kit. Metal pole, eagle, flag and mounting stuff. Got to the register and it rang up for 1 penny. That's right. 1 red cent. I figured, hell, I'm not gonna dispute that! So off we went home and I hung my 1 cent American flag. So then yesterday, Girly and I made another trip to the death center, and I thought that I'd take a gander at grabbing some more flags. If they rang up for a penny, good, if not, I'd just put them back. So I grabbed the 5 they had left and went to the register. Yup folks, they all rang up for 1 penny. So I got 5 American flag kits for a nickel! How's that for American pride??? lol

I'm feeling allot better now. My nose and stomach are back to their normal selves. I am completely avoiding tomatoes at this point though. I don't care if they show them to me under a stinkin black light. I'm still not going to touch them. And yes, next season, we will be planting our own tomato plants! lol

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Scared the Sickness Right Outta Me!

I do believe this guy scared the living sickness right outta me!

I go out just a bit ago to talk to Hubs, and this is what Crazy found behind their tote of toys on the porch!

I feel totally guilty only because the boys were bothering me while I was on the phone and I told them to go find some toys to play with while I was chatting.

Luckily I was told he is just a gopher snake.


Feeling Better

Day 5.

Feeling 80% better.

Not so nauseous.

No puking (from mouth or rear)

No more headaches.

But I am still finding that my sense of smell is still at it's heightened alert mode and I could smell a pile of shit a mile away!

Everything stinks to me. Especially food. And the dogs. And my house. And husband! lol

But...I am better. That's good. The meds must be working. At least the antibiotic. The nausea pill didn't work for crap. And after that first day, I didn't need the cramping pill.

Onto other news....

Ahh crap, I don't have any other news at the moment. You'll just have to stay tuned in!

Monday, June 16, 2008

Killing Me

If anyone out there has a sympathetic bone in their body, they will do me the favor of putting me out of my misery.

I still feel like crap.

My stomach is in knots.

My head hurts.

I am hungry as hell, but when I start to put the food in my mouth it tastes nasty.

What the suckiest part of all this is....

This is what I feel like when I have morning sickness.


What the hell??

Sunday, June 15, 2008

The Price Is WRONG...B*tch

Me: "I believe I will choose #3 Bob!" (From previous post)

Bob: "And behind Door #3 is.....ovulation!!!"

Wa, wa, waaaaaaaaaaa

Bob: "I'm sorry Mrs. Choppzs, that's not the right door. Now, you have 1 more door to choose. What's it gonna be?"

Me: "Well Bob, I guess I will go with choice #2!"

Bob: "#2, are you sure?"

Me: "Positive"

Bob: " Ok then Choppzs, lets see what you've won?"

The curtain is pulled, and the prize slowly appears

Bob: "Choppzs, you have won a brand, new, shiny.....


Me: *covers eyes and weeps*
"Me? I don't deserve this..."
*covers eyes once again*
*sways a little to the side*
*hunches over*
*barfs all over stage*

That's right everyone. I have food poisoning. Salmonella. Or whatever the hell you wanna call it. I went to the doc yesterday. Still feeling like crap. He said more then likely that's what it is, and he prescribed me meds to help me feel better. Even today (Sunday) I am still feeling pretty ick.

My advice:


*I also did take a pg test. Big Fat Negative, thank you very much!

Friday, June 13, 2008

Feeling like Shit

It could be any number of things...


2.The tomatoes we ate the other night at BK (Oh gosh, I hope not!)


4.Pregnancy (Another, Oh gosh, I hope not! lol At least not yet, Baby Boy isn't potty trained!)

5.Friday the 13th is playing a cruel joke on me!

Holy Crap, all those things suck a big one. I believe I will choose # 3 Bob!

Since Baby Boy was born, my cycle has gone haywire. Symptoms that have never shown their dirty faces have now been my monthly friend, or monthly nuisance more like it. I am completely aware of when my little egg friends are dispensing themselves into fallopian oblivion. I am assuming today is that day. I guess I can add throwing up to my list of ovulation symptoms! lol

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Mr. Mascara

Ok, I don't have a picture, I wish I did, but I don't.

My son, Baby Boy, has taken to stealing my makeup.

The first time it was my lipstick.

The second time it was my eyeshadow, and brushes.

The third time it was lipstick again.

Last night, it was my mascara.

The little terd sneaks out of his room after bedtime, goes into my room, into my bathroom and gets out my makeup.

Last night, I went back to turn down the air, and heard a noise from my room. Out walks baby boy with black, ALL over his face. It literally looked like he had 2 black eyes.

I stopped myself from bursting out laughing enough to tell him to go out to the living room to show his daddy what he had done.

I went to inspect his room, where I found my whole makeup case of brushes and eye liners in his bed, and the infamous tube of mascara that was open. There was mascara all over his comforter, so I went to get a rag to clean it all up.

In the meantime, Hubs was washing his face and had him cleaned up before I could get to the camera.

What will I do with him?

For one, I guess I need to make sure my bathroom door is locked after bedtime!

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Call me Immature...

So I was picking Girly up from school on Friday and was in the turn lane getting ready to turn onto her school street.
There was a woman on the school street, at the stop sign, wanting to turn onto the street I was on.
I cautiously waited for traffic to clear so I could turn without having to gun it and all that jazz.
As I was going to turn, I had to stop because a car pulled out of a parking lot onto the street.

I looked over at the lady waiting to turn and just kind of shrugged my shoulders at her as if saying sorry, I was gonna go but now you'll have to wait.
She gave me the most disgusted look and threw up her hands as if saying "what the hell?".
So with me being me, I took my old sweet time waiting for more traffic and turning.
She was waving her hands around and I could tell she was in a hurry and cursing.
As I proceeded to finally turn and pass her she gave me the cuckoo sign. You know, where you take your finger and wave it in circles at the side of your head?
So I proceeded to stick my tongue out at her and make a face.
I would have given her the finger, but she had her kid with her in the front seat.
I just figured if she was going to be as childish as to do the cuckoo sign, I'd be just as immature and stick my tongue out!

Thursday, June 05, 2008

The Dogs of War

This is the newest addition to the family. This is Sokka. He is Hub's new dog. He is a holy terror. A pain in my ass!

He may be cute, yes, but don't let those puppy eyes and wagging tail persuade you. He is a butthole. Pure shithead. He digs holes. He eats all the mulberries off the ground and poos humongous piles of mulberry shit everywhere. He jumps on the windows. He chews up shoes. He chews up ANYTHING that is within his reach. He chewed up 2 nuks and 1 sipper cup. And my biggest problem.....he fights with my Pookey. I don't mean just little scrapping, playing around fighting. I mean knock down drag out fights. And he's only around 8 months or so. We think.

My question to you all? How do you remedy this?

Pookey has been with us for 11 yrs. now. She's old. She's got arthritis and bad hips. And she's fat. Granted, she's very spry, and loves to run and fetch and play with the kids. She's my baby.

But now that Sokka is here and has chewed her a new asshole a few times, I am afraid she will get hurt. He is very domineering towards her, hovers over her and if she even attempts to walk by his bones he goes after her. Hubs says this is their way of establishing dominance. Which I fully understand. I have no problems with them finding their place in the home. But when she is as old as she is, and he mangles her, I wont have it. She's MY dominant dog. She's MY alpha dog. She's MY top dog.

I know you have to let things play out. This is their way of dealing with things. That's the dog way.

But she's my baby. I know she doesn't have many years left. I don't need him breaking her in half.

This is my Pookey. She is very camera shy, so I can never get any good pics of her. If she even sees the camera she automatically turns away and will not look at you until she knows the camera has been put away. She's so smart and such a loving girl. We've had our ups and downs with her, and Hub's will always bring up the story about how I gave her away and then forced him to go and get her back for me. How she peed all over the house as a pup, and how she had separation anxiety so bad that she tore our shit off the walls. But we have gotten through all that and now she is a model dog. She always sleeps under my side of the bed. She's always at my feet. If I move to another chair, she moves to another chair. She loves her treats. She's good with the kids. She's wonderful with Poppy our other dog. She's a good watch dog. She loves her tennis balls.

I guess I am just getting a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that she's not going to be with us much longer. And I don't need Sokka upsetting her. It would suck to be top dog and then go out of this world going "That motherf*cker took my bone, took my attention, beat me up, and broke my hip, why couldn't they just have waited till I was gone to get him?"

I know that's what she's thinking! I can talk to you her! lol

So any help would be appreciated!

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

We Are The CHAMPIONS My Friends

My Boys did it!
The Stanley Cup is Ours!
The Penguins played a good game, but we still claimed the cup on their ice!
Great Job WINGS!

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Love and Affection

I am sad to say that my Boys aka The Wings did not win the game last night.

But who gives a shit, they have 2 more games and only need to win 1!

Last night was one hell of a game. Triple overtime and man those guys were whooped. Tired as hell. I even got tired just watching. And almost had a massive heartattack at some points.

My favorite moments. I'll list 2.

1. Penguins man going head first into the wall and having to be taken out of the game.

2. Penguins man getting smucked in the face with a puck shot by his own man!!!

Great stuff I tell ya!

I am on pins and needles and am ready for game 6.

Let's go Boys, bring that cup home!

Monday, June 02, 2008

Go Wings, It's your Birthday

My Boys have done it again. Game 3, in Penguin domain was won! Tonight is Game 4. If...I mean WHEN (gosh i should have my mouth washed out with soap for that little mix up) we win tonight, on Detroit grounds, we will have won our Stanley Cup! My Wings shirt will be washed and ready to wear once again tonight.


On another completely different note.....

People are stupid.

Well not all, but allot, yes, are stupid.

Remember Mr. Turtle?

Remember how I saved him, then he sent his beloved family member to thank me and take up residence in my yard? Of course you do. Now, do you remember how I told you about the public service announcements on the radio? How it explained how to handle the turtle if you should find it. How you should pick it up? Where you should move it too?

Well other people must not listen very well. Either that, or it's because they don't speak a lick of fricken English.

I was just driving home from dropping Girly off at school.

I come up to my road and get ready to turn when I see this woman running frantically along the side of the road.

First thought....Oh shit, she's being kidnapped and she might need my help. That's how crazy and wild looking she was.

Then I glanced over in the direction she was running and saw him. Mr. Turtle. Or well, his brother, sister, mother, cousin, wife, husband or just some random Mr. Turtle look-alike slowly making his/her way across the street.

I slowed down to make sure she wasn't going to kick him, or kill him or something that would make me get go and kick her ass for.

She had a towel, picked him up and started running, yes I said running towards her car with him.


I slowed to a stop. I rolled down my window.

She looked over and continued running towards her car.

"Mam, you need to walk with him!" I yelled over the wind

"Yes" she says and smiles

"Mam, you need to walk or he may get scared and pee on you!"

She slowed to a fast walk to try to hear me.

"Mam, was he faced that way?" I pointed across the road .

"Yes." she says and continues to smile.

"You need to take him over there!" as I point to the other side of the street to the field.

"Yes." she says and looks over to the field.

"You need to take him in the same direction he was faced!" I yelled

"Yes." she says and smiles

"Do you speak English?" I yelled.

"Yes." she yells back

"Then you need to put the turtle closer to the ground, and take him over to that field. In the same direction he was facing. He knows where he needs to go!"

"Yes." she says once again.

Her friend jumps out of their car and they start to pet, yes pet the turtle she is holding. Holy shit if I didn't want to kick their butts.

"Mam, you shouldn't touch him, you may get bacteria on you, or worse you can hurt the turtle."


By then, a car had turned and was waiting patiently behind me to continue down the road. I was tempted to pull over, put the truck in park and go over to these women. But I had the boys with me and I didn't need them to witness me bitching and yelling at these women who don't speak an ounce of English.

What do you do?

I am riddled with guilt. What if they took him. For a pet? Or what if they just put him back on the side of the road and he ends up back in the road and gets smushed?

Hmmmmm.......I guess i can't be the saver of All the desert turtles. Oh the humanity. Maybe if i just spoke Spanish I could have gotten through to them. No...F*ck that, maybe if they spoke fricken English, they could have understood me! Asses!