I Need a Hero

Well not me, but I am assuming that's what the little Desert Tortoise was saying as it was trying to cross the road yesterday.

I, Choppzs was the hero this little turtle had long been searching for.

After a long, hot, strenuous journey, this little turtle had almost reached it's destination, but standing in it's way was this fast moving, busy highway.

It contemplated turning around.

It contemplated making a run for it. Or at least trying.

It contemplated just sitting there and basking in the sun.

It hoped to it's Turtle God that someone, shining like a beacon of light, would come and rescue it from an almost untimely death.

And I, Choppzs was that beacon of light.

Let me tell you the story.

A couple weeks back, as I was sitting in the bathroom getting ready for the day, I heard a public service announcement on the local radio station about how to preserve the desert tortoise species. I have heard it many times, but this time I listened and thought out loud to Hubs.

"Have you ever seen a desert tortoise?"

"No, I don't think so." He says

"Hmmm, do they bite?" I said that because the only turtles I had ever encountered growing up were snapping turtles.

"Umm, no, I don't think so" He says

"Wouldn't it be cool to see one?"

"Yeah, sure" He says

I sat there and thought of the radio announcement. It said you should never disturb a desert tortoise unless it is in harms way. If you should encounter a desert tortoise that is in danger, you should use a towel or some other article of clothing to gently pick up by it's shell as to not contaminate it, or yourself with bacteria. Move it slowly and in the direction it was facing until it is out of harms way. Then let it be.

Then yesterday, as we were driving back from Girly's school, there he was. On the side of the road, just enough past the white line to where I had to swerve into the other lane to make sure he didn't get hit. At first, I assumed it was some sort of debris, but then i realized it was a turtle.

"Girly, did you see that?"

"See what?"

"That was a turtle"

"Awww, was it?"

"Yeah, should we go move it, so it doesn't get hit?"

"Yeah, but do you know how?"

"Of course my Dear, I am a dedicated desert citizen. I have listened intently to the public service announcements on the local radio station, and have educated myself with local literature about the beloved desert tortoise!

No that's not what I really said, but it was close.

"Yeah, duh, haven't you heard the radio?" is more like it.

"Ok, let's go get him" she says.

So we whip a Uey and pull up behind him.

I tell Girly to hop out and take a look. Who knows if we will ever see a desert tortoise again. The poor boys were just stuck sitting in their car seats.

We look at him for a moment, deciding whether he is already dead, or just inside his shell. I assumed he was still alive cause he didn't look hurt or injured.

I ran back to the truck, opened the back, found a blanket that I keep in the truck and ran back.

Just as I was running back to Girly and the turtle, Mr. Shonson drives up and pulls over to see what was the matter with us. He nearly missed the turtle with his back wheel. All the while, I am screaming at him to stop. Again, Mr. Turtle has nearly escaped death.

I put the blanket gently over his back. He was about the size of a dinner plate. I picked him up ever so lightly and begin to slowly cross the busy highway.

As I was carrying him, still thinking he might already be dead, under the blanket I feel his little legs pop out and I see his head peer at me from under the blanket.

Holy Crap if I didn't start to move a little faster. That scared the beejeebees out of me!

I walked up over the hump on the other side of the highway, and laid him gently on the ground.

I grabbed the blanket and stepped back. He sat for a moment, all arms and legs out. Then slowly began to move away.

"Goodbye Mr. Turtle" I said as I wiped a tear from my eye.

No, I didn't cry, that was just for the effect of the story.

But I did wave to the little guy, climbed back over the hill, jumped in the truck and drove off. Knowing i had done my good deed for the day.

Then I thought, shit, I didn't get a picture. That sucks! But whatchya gonna do??

Mr. Turtle will be forever grateful, and name his children after me.

Choppzstle

Turtzs

and Turchoppzs

And that is the story of Choppzs, The Turtle Whisperer.