If Looks Could Kill....

Then that bitch at the gate would be dead.

Ok, so see this.

I go to the base yesterday to take some of the girls that work with Hubs their candles.

I have the new truck, which means I have no base sticker at the moment.

But even when I had a base sticker, this woman (a short little bitch with WAY to much makeup), always refuses to let me go through without a hassle.

Ok, now don't get started on me about the security of the base, and how she's just doing her job, and blah blah blah.

I know it all. We were in the Corps for 8 yrs. and lived on multiple bases. So I know the rules, I know their jobs. I have no problem with them doing their jobs. But this woman, I swear, just loves to torment me.

And this woman wasn't even a Marine. They have gone to hiring rent-a-cops for the base now. She's a fricken Rent-A-Cop!

So anyways, i get up there. I flash my driver's license (since I no longer have my military I.D.) and get ready to pull out the new trucks insurance and registration. She looks at me.

"Can i ask where you are going Mam?"

*No Bitch you can't* is what i am thinking, but instead, "Yes, i am going to Warehouse ***"

"Can I ask what for?"

*Once again NO*, but instead, "Yes, i am delivering lunch and candles"

"Candles?"

*Deep breath Choppzs*, "Yes, candles, if you are interested I hosted my Partylite Party and am here to deliver the candles to the people who bought them from my Hub's shop. But remember, if you must search, you break it, you buy it" hahahahaha I thought it was a bit snazzy and kind of sarcastic but she didn't seem to get a kick out of it.

"Mam, I am here to inform you that you must be sponsored to get on base, and therefore, since you don't have the paperwork stating that you are allowed on the base, I can't let you through. Do you have a cell phone?"

"Yes, i do"

"Then I need you to pull off base, and park over there outside the gate. Then you need to call your husband, have him call the dispatch number and then he will be phoned to me. He will have to inform me that he is sponsoring you on base, and then I will let you through."

*F*ck you* but instead, "Uh mam, I have been over here several times before. All the other gate guards let me through with no problem, especially since i have a base sticker on my vehicle. Granted, I don't have one now, because it's a new vehicle and Hub's hasn't gotten it over to get me a new one, but why is it that you always insist on not letting me through. The last time, even with the base sticker you made my husband call you. None of the other guards have ever told me I have had to be sponsored."

"Well mam, in order for you to gain access to this base, you must be sponsored by someone that works here"

*No shit lady, I just said that to you, i understand that* "I understand that, but why would I have to be sponsored if i have a base sticker?"

"Mam, a base sticker doesn't mean anything. If you don't have a military i.d. or a DOD i.d. then we do not have to let you on base."

"Then what the hell good is it for me to get a base sticker?"

"Mam, that lets us know that your vehicle has been registered with the base."

"Ok, so if my vehicle has been registered under the base, and the vehicle is registered under me, wouldn't that mean that they have me on record at the base?"

"Now mam, I am asking you pull outside of the gate and wait for me to wave you in"

Bleepity, bleep, bleep,bleep,bleep, bleep, bleep.

I whip a U, and park just outside the gate. Call Hubs. Tell him the situation. After a couple minutes she waves me up to the gate.

*Ok mam, I need to see your license, registration and proof of insurance.*

Oh holy shit no. The whole time we sat here you didn't ask for it. I was even going to pull it out for you until you started blabbing.

So after pulling the crap out, and handing it over, she says..

"So this is a new vehicle mam?"

OH MY GOD DID WE NOT JUST HAVE A CONVERSATION? WAS IT ALL MY IMAGINATION?

"Yes, this is a new vehicle. The registration is taped to the window. If you would like to look at it, you can take it off of there and then put it back on. It's a pain in the ass."

"No that's ok mam, i believe you."

"Uh ok"

"So next time you come on base Mam, make sure you have the base sticker, and the sponsor card that your Hubs can get for you. You will attach it to your window next to your base sticker."

As soon as I saw that hand come up to wave me through, I booked it.

"I'll give you your motherf*cken sticker, you stupid bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep"

The kids were in the car mind you, so they probably thought I was loony muttering things under my breath.

Then as i got far enough away, for good measure, she got a lovely little wave hello. With 1 finger.

It was a long morning.