Thursday, August 23, 2007

1 With Nature


Um, yeah, no, not me. I mean I can really appreciate certain aspects of nature, but insects (excluding the lovely ladybug and butterfly) just creep me out. This afternoon, I came face to face, once again, with the damn black widows that just assume that what's mine is theirs. After mowing and weedwacking, I took the hose out back to wash off the patio and chairs. The kid's picnic table is back there, and covered in webs so I decided to turn it upside down to hose it off. Sneaky, little bastards. One showed its lovely face. It took me a good 5 minutes just to get up enough courage to smush it with my shoe. I demolished the bastard, then went back to hosing the rest of the table off. I wanted to make sure I got in all the cracks and crevices, just because I know they like to hide. Then not but a minute later, another little gross, black, creepy thing came crawling out. UGGGHHHHH. I about had a heart attack. Only because I was almost done and was about to grab ahold of the table and tip it back over. Again, 5 minutes later, he (or she...whatever) was dead. But clear as day, they both had the lovely red hourglass on their abdomens. Then, as I went to turn off the hose, a damn lizard shot across the wall and scared the beejeebees out of me. They are hear to kill me, I swear. Now I wont be able to sleep tonight. I'll tell you of my nightmares tomorrow. Plus, this weekend, Hubs and I were planning on cleaning out that stinking shed out back. That thing is crawling with spiders and bugs. I do believe I will let him drag everything out. Then (maybe) I will help. But the last time we took something out of that shed, we got the box unloaded, and then that mother f'r decided to show it's face while crawling out of whatever it was we took out. To close for me!

Pray for me!

12 comments:

Me said...

Get. It. Away!!!! Ewwww!! I think I'd scream my lungs out if I saw that thing! That's not beautiful at all!

Anonymous said...

I'm so afraid for you. I can't stand bugs. I accidentally grabbed a praying mantis the other day while trimming up my jasmine. I'm still afraid to finish trimming that damn plant.

Eww.

Hate bugs.

kimmyk said...

You need to get Stacie at your house STAT.

She would be all tellin' ya stories about said spider and whatcha need to do. By the end of the day you and the spider would literally be hanging out by the pool drinkin' little drinks with umbrellas talkin about how men suck and shit.

Seriously, call Stacie.

for a different kind of girl said...

No kidding on the Stacie thing! I was cleaning my house today, and I moved a radio on the far side of my kitchen couter to wipe behind it, and I hope (sadly, I *actually* hope this) that what scurried out was a cricket and not a GINORMOUS spider.

My first thought - well, my second, cause I was rationalizing the whole "cricket vs. spider" thing - was that I needed Stacie there to rescue it and release it to the wild. Had it not ran down the counter and toward the fridge, muttering something about how I needed more cheese and yogurt, I'd have kicked that things ass.

Alas, all I hope now is it doesn't crawl up me and stare me down in my sleep tonight.

Nature Girl said...

OH HELLLLL NO! NOT ME!! UH UH!! NO WAY! I'M TERRIFIED OF THEM. ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED! When it comes to spiders I operate on one theory only...the only good spider is a dead spider and the deader the better in my book! Pesticides are my friend. I would fog that shed twice a day for a week and then I would have someone ELSE clean it, cuz Black Widows?? nope...not MY friends!
you woulda heard me screaming in hysterics from one end of Cali to the other. My dad threatend to take me to a shrink once because I freaked out so bad when one got on me. I acted all brave after that because i read that at the shrinks, they make you hold them to overcome your fears. Seriously...I'd be committed.
That spider I posted last week? ZOOM LENS! I was a good 15 feet away from that and even that was too close for comfort.

uh-uh...this nature girl don't do spiders.
Seriously...
I just wet myself reading this post!
*shivers*
now I'm gonna have nightmares..

Melissa said...

Yep, I remember when we lived in California seeing black widows on a daily basis. I too, HATE spiders. I believe we have them here too, but I don't see them like I did in CA.

kimmyk said...

Stacie!
I can't even believe you would say all that. Oh you know what-as I type this there is a itty bitty spider crawling on my computer desk. Help me Stacie! Help me!

ALRO said...

When you come face to face with the spider again - just sing like Homer:

"Spider pig, spider pig
does whatever a spider pig does
does he swing from a web
no he can't,
he's a pig.
look ooooout - here comes the
spider-pig!"

Episode 4 of podcast is up..

Nature Girl said...

I luv ya Kimmy, I truely truely do, but when it comes to spiders crawling on you...I'm so very sorry..you're on your own!

Not even tiny ones.

One time i was hiking (alone thank god) and I walked into a web and it got on my shirt, I ripped my shirt off right there on the trail and ran screaming for several feet along the trail. Had to go back and pick up my shirt with a stick and give it a good shakin' and then sprayed the crap out of it with OFF.

Uh-uh...nope..spiders I do NOT do!

Lizards however, bring 'em on. I LOVE lizards..

Amie said...

Ewww...I have goosebumps just from reading this!

Jamie said...

LOL Sounds like here. I fear even going in our garage since we moved in. When we were living in our other house we had a turtle sandbox and Zach tipped it over and it was covered in black widows. FREAKY. Wouldn't be so bad if they weren't poisonous!!!

eyes_only4him said...

gross..

i have an aunt who lives in New Mexico..she has black widows and scorpions all over the place.

but i have heard that if u get bit by a black widow, it will just make u ill, it wont kill u, because our body mass is so great..now a cat or a rat..maybe..

u need to move back to MI..no black wiodows or lizards there;)